Sharon Rainsworth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
connectivity) wrote2021-11-03 03:33 pm
connectivity) wrote2021-11-03 03:33 pm
Entry tags:
Question Meme
Give me your questions, whether it's about CR or threads or anything really and you will receive ramblings about them!
I will leave this open indefinitely so come at me.
I will leave this open indefinitely so come at me.
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Alright so Break!!! Number one roller coaster ride the moment she stepped out the door. So much happened so quickly that she still feels quite dazed and confused. The whole thing caused her to drop her guard and brain cells and she has had time to recover in bits and pieces in between but never fully recovered.
BUT LET US START FROM THE BOTTOM
On the very base level she is just so so so very happy that he's been given this time. Knowing that he wanted to live at the very end killed her so to know that he has this time, no matter how long, is something she cannot be more grateful for. And more so that she and Reim get to be here with him for it. Her dearest wish for him is that he gets to live unhindered by all the horrible bullshit that he chained himself down with before and enjoys it to the fullest for himself.
For her, though it has been years since that time, she never once really got over him or stopped thinking of him every day. So even though she very much moved forward in life, she never really moved on from him. Those feelings just stayed there and she found someone who was willing to accept that and let her just Add on to it. Which leads her to just how very blessed she feels to have both of them. She very much would have been happy just being allowed to live alongside the two of them here.
But that's where we go back to everything happening and zero recovery! Because it all happened so fast there is a level of flustered that exists and continues to exist that just leads to her saying and doing stupid things. Starting with the confession. IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED THAT. Because obviously deep down it has always been apparent to her who his first love was and she's always known that even if he did ever see her-- she would always have to fear whether or not it was really "her" he was seeing or just. The shadow of her mom.
Which is why even now the fact that he accepted those feelings feels like a strange fairy tale that could not possibly be her life. And yet she gets to spend every day getting kisses and being cuddled sweetly and she's so overwhelmed in the best way. In a funny she could not tell anyone what their relationship was even if they weren't being more discreet about it. Mentally she herself has already put her admission that she has always wished to marry him straight into the garbage-- out of sight out of mind so she does not have to live in embarrassment of herself every day.
Which only means if it ever resurfaces she will just immediately perish and be completely thrown off guard AGAIN even if it is her own stupid fault.
She just loves him a lot in a really pure and stupid kind of way. She's just!! So enamored!! With this dumbass!! Who ironically makes her act equally stupid smdh. Having to admit that she did have several fractions of jealousy in Roy's direction kills her because it's very unlike her. Like she admitted to Roy that she was jealous that they slept together at first but specifically because she didn't have that experience with him of her own. And then that happened and the jealousy was in fact neatly obliterated from space because now she has her own thing with him so therefore Break's things with other people no longer matter because these special experiences belong to them and that's all that matters.
Of course a part of her does, in the back of her mind, always feel that lingering dread of like. When she's going to lose him. But she's taken that as every reason to just. Not let go and selfishly enjoy every moment she has.
GOD. OKAY I THINK I'M DONE you're free at last
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So base level feelings on Reim is just how very glad she is that he is here with her. Having him here helps her feel grounded. For all the heck she gives him about overworking himself, she also takes great pride in telling people that he's her husband. Absolutely could and would tell the whole world.
Hearing that he had been working hard to return to her, even knowing that he'd had time to be with Break was really touching for her. Even if she'd been later, she wouldn't have blamed him for wanting to have that time. Alternatively it does make her feel a little guilty knowing that if their positions were reversed she knows she wouldn't have been able to commit to doing the same to return to him. Knowing that he would not fault her or even ask her does not in fact make that better. But it makes her that much more grateful that the three of them are there together and no one has to make those difficult decisions-- they all want the same thing.
It is, admittedly, difficult and strange for her to get over the fact that she cannot just stay with him now since they are in different cell blocks. But she would never ask him to change or even openly admit it. But there's definitely a part of her that feels lonely some nights. Because she's so used to just being able to be with him every night, she's spoiled. And because he's the kind of idiot who would eat tOXIC SOUP FOR HER she knows it's better not to mention such things. He's just. So wonderful. And she loves him.
That said she is very interested in seeing just how Reim and Break's relationship progresses. It was a cute shock for her, learning that Break was interested in Reim too. But rather than jealous she has fallen immediately into the curious hole of "is it weird if I want to see these two guys I'm in love with kiss?" Maybe it is!! Does she care? NOT PARTICULARLY. Although she isn't keen to push it because she wants Reim to have his time to explore that on his own. Doesn't mean she hasn't realized that it's. Hot. She isn't particularly worried about the two of them experimenting because she knows they can handle themselves just fine even if one of them (spoiler: not Reim) is stupid.
Reim is also the first one to blast her uncertainty about her new body out of orbit so he deserves mention for that. She really did come to appreciate it in such a short time in no small part thanks to him.
It is also a point of pride for her that her changes have allowed her to become useful. No, she doesn't want to get crazy and make Reim worry about her but it does make her very happy that if anything does happen, she still has a means to help protect the people she cares for. Because especially with Vincent around now she DOES worry. They can handle themselves pretty well, but she's equally on edge to make sure that she doesn't get used as a tool to hurt either of them. Ironically this goes hand in hand with her desire to be able to do more domestic things for him that she can't do well now like cooking.
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I can't believe both of them are like 'I want to share a room/bed but I can't bother the other since surely they have their own stuff going on'
Reim loev jellyfish wife,
I made this comment because I wanted to ask another question but then forgot to ask another question WHAT ARE SHARON'S THOUGHTS ON/IMPRESSIONS OF THE OTHER TSUCHIGUMOS SO FAR
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ALRIGHT TSUCHIGUMO--
When it comes to Reim and Break, part of Sharon is legitimately like god I hope they never meet Tsuchigumo. Because she absolutely does not want to worry them in the slightest but.
Tsuchigumo strikes her as. Sketchy. But that is PRIMARILY Kaeya and Ardyn's fault. Her first introduction to the group was these two and it included watching the two of them flirt and part of it was about Ardyn eating a piece of his own sea tentacle and they were both just very...
She's like okay these people are... probably not okay.
But they have been kind to her!!! Even if Kaeya was part of the reason she felt she needed to cover up her changes immediately. Because he made it sound like it looked indecent!!! And she's like oh no.
So essentially she's like `I kind of feel like I've infiltrated the Baskervilles`. One one had I believe some of these people are probably crazy. But also once you talk to them they seem very nice!! Some of them seem just plain nice!!! Lumine is very sweet and Venti seems Fine, Probably. New deer is cute. So Sharon will be Fine. Ignore the possibly questionable behavior of these other men, it's Fine.